#GamerGate and Empathy

Does someone who hates you deserve your pity? Your understanding? You empathy? A friend of mine once said that she feels bad for the men she argues with on sports fan websites, because it’s clear no one has ever loved them. They’ve never been touched by a hand that signified love; they’ve never felt a genuine emotional connection with any other human being. They’ve believed their lives that they’re unlovable, and when you read the vitriol, hate, and ugliness they hurl at women, you can see why no one has loved them.

Readers do not see all of the comments we get on the site because we moderate them. We moderate them because we can. If a poster isn’t adding anything to the conversation, and only responds with complete delusion and hate, then why should we post them? I mention this to get to my main point: even on our small corner of the web, we encounter droves of men who hate women. Let’s be honest, that’s what this often comes down to.

I’ve read some great breakdowns of why male gamers respond so violently to other human beings like Anita Sarkeesian, Brianna Wu, and even many academics. What makes the most sense to me is this: when these gamers were growing up, they found a home in video games. Games became their identity, their social life, their connection to history and other humans, their fantasy, and their whole world. Gamers in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s had an unconventional hobby (for many it went far beyond a hobby). They took shit for being gamers, and inside games they found a home.

Now, some SJW comes along telling them that games are bad, they need to change, and that they’re bad for liking them. *rage* *rage* *rage.* I get that knee-jerk reaction. I’m sure it feels like a personal attack, and it probably doesn’t help that there is a larger narrative of women and minorities PC-ing people to death in the media and popular culture at large. If I could sit across from these GGers, I would say this: just like you found your home in video games, so did we. Folks here at NYMG, like Samantha Blackmon wrote about last week, have always loved video games. This isn’t an intellectual or philosophical exercise for us. We live, breathe, and will die loving games. The difference between us, though, is that games have always reflected your (GG-types) values, and they’ve always objectified us, made us feel unwelcome, and considered us outsiders.

We spent the same hours playing games as children, adolescents, and adults. We spent our nights alone or with small groups playing Everquest, or DnD, or whatever. We were there with you. We’re not new to games, though it might seem like it. Now we are standing up for ourselves, and we’re demanding that game developers 1)acknowledge the diversity of gamers and 2)begin making games that are reflective of this diversity and are inclusive to all. Does this dilute games? Fuck no. I believe from the bottom of my heart, as does every person on this blog, as does every SJW you dox and DDS and threaten, that making games more diverse and inclusive will make games better. If you truly believe that keeping the white male protagonist in every game is best, or that relying on tired narratives of saving some unnamed princess is best, or that only having female characters in games if they’re wearing a bikini is best, then so be it. But you’re wrong. Your movement is wrong. And your characterization of those of us who spend our lives trying to make games better is wrong.

So do I feel sorry for GG-ers? Do people who threaten women trying to make the industry better deserve our sympathy because they’re lashing out from a place of hurt and fear? No. You’ve had the spotlight in games for far too long. I’m sure it was fun, but it’s time to widen the circle and make room for those of us who have also been here since the beginning.