The White Fragility is Strong

Every now and then the LEGO community will debate the lack of diversity in minifigs. Most minifigs have the generic iconic, yellow LEGO head, but occasionally, LEGO will go outside of that and try to create more realistic representations. These more realistic, (sometimes diverse) heads tend to be found in licensed sets, rather than the more generic City type sets. Every time I see this debate, at least half of those participating will argue that the yellow heads are the best way to go because “we are all one human race,” “we don’t see race,” blah, blah, blah. These arguments work to completely erase others’ identities. We are not all one and the same. We don’t all have the same experiences. The overwhelming refusal to see beyond ourselves has never been more apparent to me.

Many people are coming forward with stories that are both heartbreaking and up-lifting. My Facebook feed has been filled with both this week. This movement started by people wanting to find solidarity with others and learn how to help. I was simultaneously encouraged and discouraged to see so much attention paid to Trump’s awful rhetoric and it’s implications. Encouraged because all the shouting means at least someone might be listening. I’ve also been skeptical because so often this type of movement starts strong and then fizzles out once those who are less affected start getting on with their lives.

I feel like I saw the beginning of the end of the movement last night, and the end is rooted in white fragility. Last night, my Facebook page suddenly filled up with white women who feel attacked by WoC. Seeing it was one of the most disheartening moments of the entire week. And, that’s saying a lot. I’m sure you can imagine the situation, but in case you can’t, it went like this:

White women: We want to help! What can we do to help? I know, we can wear safety pins!
WoC: Here are some concrete ways you can help.
White women: So wait…you are saying we can’t wear pins?
WoC: No you can, but we are saying you can help more by…
White women: So we are just to blame for everything because we are white?
WoC: No, we are saying…
White women: We might as well just give up. Nothing we do is going enough. Why won’t they just tell us what to do?
Me: THEY ARE TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO. (Excuse me while I go bang my head a against a wall for a while.)

These exact types of exchanges happened over and over last night. It was thousands (and I mean thousands) of white women versus far fewer WoC. The white women just drowned them completely out because their comfort was far more important.

I have never been so aware of my skin color.

I don’t even have much to be afraid of. But, I’m uncomfortable in public now. Not because I think white people will hurt me. I’m afraid white people will look to me for solidarity. I’m afraid they will assume I agree with all the messed up rhetoric. But, I’m more concerned that my skin makes me instantly untrustworthy to a lot of people and for good reason. And, wearing a safety pin won’t fix that. Actual action is a start, but white people: we did this. We can’t hide behind our feelings now. If you are reading this as a white woman, and I’m pissing you off, let me tell you a story:

A couple of days ago, as I was walking to my car. A large truck pulled up next to me. The guy in the passenger seat yelled “HEY” at me out the window. When, I looked over, he smiled and said “have a nice day!” Then, they drove off. I’m sure there are many people who will be ready to tell me “Aw that’s sweet. They were just trying to spread the love.” And, maybe. Maybe they were. But, as a woman to those guys: Just no. Don’t do that ever. Especially don’t do it when tensions are this high. At the very same time, another man was busy posting on my Facebook about how he “wishes I didn’t have to be afraid,” but that he admittedly doesn’t vote for things that affect women and LGBTQ folks because those issues don’t affect him. If he were to suddenly stand up and join a movement to help us, I wouldn’t be that impressed with a safety pin. Instead I would be looking for him to actually do something. Many women probably understand exactly what I mean here. Just as a lot of men won’t. But, men can’t fix that problem by screaming at us all that they “mean well.” Just as we white women can’t really be allies if we just continue to silence WoC because they are making us comfortable by calling for actual action instead of meaningless symbols of safety.